Why do chicks get so bent out of shape when you send them pictures of themselves getting out of their car/making dinner/sleeping?

Answer:

Women don’t typically enjoy feeling like they’re being stalked and watched all the time. Consider giving flowers instead of pics. http://search.chacha.com/u/xb5jjjqt

“…watched all the time?” So some of the time is ok? Thanks ChaCha!

What’s the quickest way to a woman’s heart that is protected by her overbearing father and a restraining order?

Answer:

First of all, does she want to be with you? Sounds like you are being a little pushy. You need to give her some space.
http://chacha.com/u/25534172

Giver her space? I’m already at 300 yards, how much more does she need before she knows just how much I love her?

How many degrees off center can ones hat be before they are considered a “douche bag?”

Answer:

Usually at about 25% off center can one be starting to grasp the livelihood that is douche bag!
http://chacha.com/u/25220229

[I wonder if this applies to fedoras too — ed]

How does one repel an infestation of perturbed ungulates?

Answer:

Most likely with a shotgun, as long as it’s legal in your area. Thank you for using ChaCha! http://chacha.com/u/esm0r9rh

Yes, violence is the solution to all of our problems.

Would a duffel bag full of badgers set off a metal detector at an airport?

Answer:

No they are furry animals so they would not set off the detectors. They may bite.
http://chacha.com/u/2gaog1az

Badgers – far better than snakes.

Is there a Hallmark card that convey’s “Sorry about the paternity test, I’m sure you’ll find the father some day?”

Answer:

No. Hallmark would never be that cruel. Thanks for using ChaCha. http://chacha.com/u/6kestnaa

Hey, I was trying to be nice!

If all knights are knaves, and some knaves are slaves, then how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Answer:

To quote to the owl. 1…2…3… crunch. ChaCha!

False. The answer is all three are liars. And the owl says, “a one… a two… a three… a three.” This proves that ChaCha can no longer be trusted.

I’m getting married tomorrow and now my fiancee is flipping out because I lied about my past wives. What should I do?

Answer:

Eek! Probably shouldn’t have lied about the past wives? That’s a pretty big thing to lie about.. Explain why you lied to her.
http://chacha.com/u/v93hdxel

Ok. “Honey, I only lied because I’m still married to all of them.” Somehow I don’t think that will cut it.

My grandmother just died and it was in her will that we eat her so she can always be a part of us… Is it illegal to eat Nana?

Answer:

I can’t find any laws against it. So eat up! Call your lawyer to make sure! http://chacha.com/u/24420548

Nana tastes like Tylenol…

But really, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Answer:

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego ran on PBS between 1991 – 1996. Thanks for using ChaCha!

Thanks for being so pragmatic ChaCha. You need to read some poetry or something. Next you’re going to tell me that Santa Claus was a tool used in German folklore to teach the runic alphabet. Keep your black & white world to yourself.